Oh, look at that god fall!
by Moonlit Custard
Summary: Just a bit-a-fun! Two girls plan to kidnap a certain Disney-style god and his son, greek of course, COMPLETE HUMOR and wackiness...what more could you want from a fic?
1. Chapter 1: The Plans!

Yo! Moonlit Evanescence and Custard Cat here! This is a little work of art that we have been working on for some time. Our plan.? Well, you will have to read and find out! Moonlit aka Moony: Yes Yes! Custard: Hey! I wrote this chappie! Moony: Hey! Im gonna write the next 1! When my PC gets fixed of course!  
  
Chapter 1 - the plans!!  
  
The house was poorly lit, with cracked windows, peeling paint and withering plants. A very peculiar well stood in the centre of the vast garden and the porch seemed to make the house more shadow like in the dying November sunlight. The three boys gazed at the house in wonder and fear. No one knew who lived there, no one dared to ask. Besides, the gates were always shut tight, barbed wire wrapped around the top.  
  
One boy, a small tubby one called Peter Andrews, gulped. "Maybe we should just go b-b-back to the p-p-p-park." He stuttered helplessly. "You d-d-d-don't want to get into t-t-trouble do you?"  
  
"Oh come off it Peter, stop being a weedy. Besides, I'm not going without my ball!" said another, Shaun Patterson.  
  
They all stared at the black and white object amidst the weeds. It was fortunate that it hadn't hit the barbed wire, or it wouldn't have been very useful in their game of football. Now it was the other boy's turn to gulp. He couldn't believe Shaun was willing to risk his LIFE for a stupid ball. Still, he didn't want to look like a coward. He held out his hands for Shaun to use as a step up.  
  
Suddenly from the shadows, a figure emerged dressed in a pink dressing gowned and bunny slippers. They thought at first the figure was wearing a hood but when it bowed it's head to pick up the post and a newspaper the hood flopped over its shoulders. It was florescent pink HAIR! The figure stared at the post for a moment, muttering something that sounded like cursing, and then noticed the boys who were now gaping. It, or she, looked up.  
  
She was quite pretty in a weird sort of way. She had pale skin but really rosy cheeks. Her pink hair, which was sleek and shiny, hanged over her eyes (The boys swore the eyes were yellow.) She had her nose, lower ears and one top ear pierced. She smiled craftily at them and this gave her a cat- like appearance. Peter suddenly gasped. The other two boys turned to him.  
  
"She's.got.FANGS!" he spluttered. The other two looked at the girl more closely and sure enough a pair of gleaming fangs could be seen over her bottom lip. Seeing the terror in their faces, the girl gave a cat-like yowl, showing the full extent of her fanged teeth, and sent the boys galloping away screaming their little heads off. The girl gave a satisfied chuckle and threw the ball into a large barn next to the house. There was a lot of growling and something was being ripped.  
  
"Good boy Cerepheus!" she said as the remaining parts of the ball flew from the barn. "I'll bring you some breakfast in a minute. You can't just live on balls and toy aeroplanes!" With that the girl walked into the creaking house.  
  
The candle flickered and danced on the table, filling the small space with an enchanting glow. A girl sat at the table, twirling a ballpoint pen in her mouth thoughtfully. She took it out and scribbled some stuff onto the blank piece of paper in front of her. Then she leaned back in her chair and read what she had written. A frown crept across her face and her eye flickered slightly. She picked up the paper, scrunched it into a small ball and chucked it at the already full waste paper basket. The girl grabbed a clean sheet of paper from a pile on the table and resumed twirling her pen. The door opened slightly and the girl with pink hair slunk in. She laid the post on the kitchen worktop and sat down to read the newspaper. The other girl brushed her brown hair from her eyes and looked at what she had written. The girl with pink hair instinctively ducked as another paper ball shot over her head and landed in the waste paper basket. The girl with the chocolate brown hair was working up a storm. " No, no, NO!" she yelled. Another ball flew overhead.  
  
"Running out of ideas, eh moony?" the pink haired girl smirked and was hit in the face by the ballpoint.  
  
"Shaddup! It will come to me in a minute."  
  
The pink haired girl was rubbing at the mark on her cheek where the ballpoint hit her and ducked again as another paper ball took flight. "Shall I be your muse?" The pink haired girl did an over exaggerated sexy walk and turned round flicking her hair over her face. "Maybe it would help you."  
  
"What would help me is if you would go and feed Cerepheus, he's giving me a headache and ruining my concentration." Moony was trying to hold back a laugh but it soon faded as she screwed up yet another piece of paper. The pink haired girl rolled her eyes and pulled three large steaks from the cupboard.  
  
"Why do I always have to feed the dog?" She groaned, heading for the door.  
  
"Oh and Custard," Moony called after her. "Can you take him for a walk as well?" Seeing the mortified look on the pink haired girl's face, Moony added, "Thank you darling!"  
  
Custard cursed all the way to the barn, fuming. Why her? Why not Moonlit? It wasn't fair!  
  
She flung the doors open and was greeted by a loud snarl. A large, black, three headed dog growled fiercely at Custard who didn't flinch or even look remotely scared. She just said. "Is that the way to welcome your Master?"  
  
The dog bowed its heads in shame and whimpered. It looked so comical, a large, three headed, easily-able-to-swallow-a-human-whole dog cowering before a small girl.  
  
Custard reached up and patted the dogs' heads in order, left to right. She then handed them each a giant steak that seemed like a small bag of peanuts to them and grabbed their lead.  
  
A few moments later she was walking down the street, dusk had fallen but to Custard it was the start of the day. (Don't ask, it's a long story that you'll pick up on the way!) Before she had left she had taken a bath and stuffed some clothes on. She wore a black and pink-stripped T-shirt with slashes running across the arms and stomach, a large rip just below the neck and a pair of baggy black combats that she swore weren't hers! Cerepheus panted along in front almost dragging Custard along with him. As long as he doesn't see a cat I'll be all right! She thought. Too late! A grey and white tabby had just rounded the corner and Cerepheus went berserk! They went through hedges, brick walls and somebody's flimsy plastic garage. Custard got a better hold on the leash and ground to a halt, digging her heels into the ground. Cerepheus yelped and fell on his back. "Bad dog!" scolded Custard, pulling twigs from her hair.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the house, Moonlit Evanescence sat at the table, looking very smug indeed. She had done it! The plan to rule all plans! The daddy of plans! The.all right you get the idea! It was a truly marvellous plan that was worth the hassle! Moonlit chuckled to herself, smiling evilly and wringing her hands. Now the world will see, now she would complete her evil scheme she had wanted to do for months! KIDNAP HERCULES AND ZEUS!  
  
Custard slumped in, looked at Moonlit and guessed what was going on. Then they both laughed an evil laugh until they nearly choked! MWHAAAHAAAHAAAA!!!!  
  
Authors Note: Tune in next time when we unleash the true evil of our masterful plan! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *ahem* *cough* *splutter* 


	2. Chapter 2: The Plot Thickens

Moony: Mwhahahahahaha! We're back for another chapter!

Custard: We sure are! Review you FOOLISH MORTALS!

Moony: O.O Okay then, on with the next chapter, which I wrote myself, ^-^ and special thanks to Firefly, for reviewing

Custard: And being the only reviewer.

Chapter 2: The Plot Thickens!

   As Moonlit Evanescence and Custard Cat choked on their own laughter, Custard sneezed sending a storm of pink, lavender scented paper up into the air, and onto Moony's face. Moony, (or Moonlit Evanescence, as she was also known) was a tall graceful girl, with straight brown hair, and fierce turquoise eyes. Her skin tone was bloodless, and it was quite plain that this girl didn't get out in the sun much. Glancing over to her Neko-Jin friend, she smirked with satisfaction, her slanted eyes narrowing in distinct pleasure. Their plan was going to work, that was for sure.

  Those traitorous gods! Bursts of blood red hate forming deep inside the Half-Fae's chest, her slender fingers arching, itching to throttle a certain half god. The scum. But enough of that, their plan was soon to be set in motion. And the two young women were plotting, yes, secretly plotting the revenge of the true god! Hades!

  The ever perceptive Custard knew what her devious friend was thinking! Hades, her true love! She would have vengeance! They were close friends, she and the God of the Dead, very close indeed, and she and Moony would succeed. 

 With a loud bark, Cerepheus (or is it Cerbeus?) bounded into the elaborately coloured kitchen, a steak firmly clenched in its massive teeth. Custard yelped as the three headed dog made an immediate bee line straight at her. Moony snorted into her cup of coffee, smirking as the humungous beast began to slobber all over her pink haired friend. 

  "Euuurrgghhh!" Custard shrieked, trying unsuccessfully to push Cerepheus off of her. Moony smiled, brushing her black camisole free of any biscuit crumbs. 

"Need a hand, luv?" Moony asked, mimicking the accent of the ever lovable Captain Jack Sparrow. When all she received was a glare, she placed a hand on her right hip and flicked her long hair with the other.

  Finally, Custard managed to remove the beast, and kicked him outta the house. It whimpered and retreated to the far side of the neglected garden. Custard turned to her friend, a frown on her face. Moony smirked, "Well. You better get ready then, Custard dear." She said, folding her arms across her chest. Muttering profanities under breath Custard left the kitchen, leaving a smirking Moony in her wake. 

  Once Custard had gotten herself ready, she and Moony jogged to the nearest corner-shop. This was called 'Jaybobs Quickie Mart'. Entering the small shop, they set about getting supplies for their little 'adventure'. 

  Moony glanced over at her pink-haired ally, who seemed to be in her own little world. Rolling her eyes at her friends' antics she shouted into her ear. "Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be out alone." Custard jumped, landing on her rear on the tiled floor. Her yellow eyes narrowed as she swiped her best friend round the back of the head, whilst Moony rubbed the sore spot sheepishly. 

  Gathering up the assortment of goods, they approached the till. The man at the cashier well, didn't smell very pleasant. And there was the fact that he was covered in flies, and, well, rather larger for that matter. And smelly. Ohh the list goes on….

  With the items paid for, the two girls ran out of the Quickie Mart, with grins on their faces. Soon their dream would become a reality. Soon….

Authors Note: Tune in soon, as the Daddy of all plans is unleashed!! :^P Mwhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! *cough* *cough* *splutter* O my asthma!!!


	3. no party is a party without the booze!

Custard: ¬.¬ quit poking me, HEY! Ok, OK! I'll tell them, god moony.

Eh, hi peeps…um…I may have got my dogs name wrong at first…it is Cerepheus…sorry! *Folds arms grumpily*

Moony: ^_^ hehe, the great Custard Cat got it wrong!! HA!

Custard: ¬.¬ QUIET! *Hits moony with wet kipper* I'M TRYING TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER! FOOLISH MORTAL, YOU WILL SEE! IT'S **MY** TURN NOW!!

Chapter .3. No party is a party without the booze!

Zeus tapped his fingers impatiently. All was quiet. He shifted on his throne, trying to get comfortable. He was SO bored! Bored, bored, BORED! He was the lord of all gods for crying out loud; there must be SOMETHING he could do! He should be throwing wild parties with loads of single women and vodka. But NO, Hera had to put a stop to all that. She ruled him, she really did! 

And Hercules, his only son, was stuck as a mortal on earth, hardly able to come to a party. Nor Hades, his only brother, who was still trying to get soul slime off his robes.

Zeus sighed a half-hearty, bored sigh that showed his mood. There must be something, there had to be.

He sighed again and a thought came floating through his puny mind. An idea that was really extraordinary, for him that is! Why couldn't he throw a party? All he had to do was send his wife to fetch some supplies from the local market and it was time to bring in the Nymphs! Yes, this plan COULD NOT fail!

"Hera, my lushes one!" Zeus called up the cloud nine stairway.

"Yes," called back Hera, only half listening, "What is it?"

"Oh…" Zeus carried on through mouthfuls of whatever was in the fridge, "We just need…*gulping down the milk*…a few things…" He quickly finished of the rest of the extra strong Stilton, cleared away the evidence and checked to see if he had left anything.

"Oh," just as Zeus was closing the fridge, Hera came down looking curious, "I best go to the market then, eh?"

"Yea, that would help love!" Zeus nodded encouragingly, holding the fridge closed.

Hera stilled looked suspicious, put she got her cloak and her basket and said; "I'll just get a bit of everything shall I?"

"Yea!"

Then she was gone. Zeus sighed again but this time a sigh of relief and satisfaction.

He went to the phone and dialled the number. "Hermes, Gather the guys and bring the BOOZE!" he yelled excitedly down the phone.

J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J 

"Why do I have to wear the dress?" moaned Custard.

"Because the plan says that one of us has to wear a dress." Said Moony simply, ajusting the flowing autumn coloured dress with small pins.

"Let me rephrase the question for you; Why do **I** have to wear the dress?"

"For 1) because you are half nymph, you have the mystical powers that attract men, 2) I don't want to prance around in a dress in front of drunk and disorderly men, and 3) 'Cause I said so!"

Custard cursed under her breath and wished Moony hadn't confiscated her axe and exicutioners mask. She could have just waltzed into the party, chopped all the party-goers heads off and been done with it. No faffing around in girlie dresses.

She stared grumpily in the mirror, the reflection showing a small and imp like figure in a slender silk dress with a cut reaching up to the right thigh and and a strap tying the dress around her neck. 

She had to admit it was beautiful, in a girlie, prom kinda way. 

Her hair had been styled, by moony of course, in an elf-like style (two plats on each side, at the front, joining at the back, if ya didn't know!) and it cascaded down her back like a waterfall of…well…pink!

"Right, off you go, I need to go and sort out the trap for Mr. 'high and mighty, zeusy-wosey'!" Moony got to her feet and started to push Custard towards the house.

"Did ya get the trap set for Hercules? Because I don't want to flirt with him and have no place to go…"

"Yes, yes, yes, it's all set. Just GO already!" said Moony impatiently.

"Have you tested it?"

"YES, JUST **GO**!"

"How abou-"

"**GO**!" And with one final shove, Moony pushed Custard through the bush.

J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J 

"WHAT! THERE'S NO **BOOZE**?!" Zeus threw a tantrum on the floor with wild sobs. Hermes simply looked at him as if he were possessed. 

"No…I'm…very sorry!" Hermes whimpered, "I will try and get some…but a think there's something you …um…won't like either…"

"What?" said Zeus between sobs.

"There's no…women either…"

Zeus wailed so loudly the mountains shook.

(Farmer: (in really country accent) was that an earthquake?

Milkmaid: Nope, Zeus is having ANOTHER tantrum!

Farmer: How do YOU know?

Milkmaid: (smiles craftily) The Nymphs are still in the woods!

Farmer: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!

Milkmaid: NOOO! (Chases runaway cow) Come back daisy!)

Hercules rolled his eyes as his father continued to sulk on the floor. He wasn't particularly bothered about there being no women OR drink. He had just come here to keep his dad happy.

He sighed and walked into the gardens at the peek of the mountain. It was quiet here and he thought _I don't need any more girls, I have Meg!_

But his thoughts were interrupted by a young girl who was sitting on a stone bench, letting butterflies land on her fingertips and birds fly around her. She giggled and looked up at Hercules. He was stunned. She was a Nymph, that he could tell. She had flowing pink hair and bright yellow eyes. She giggled again and got up. _Oh god! She's coming towards me…_thought Hercules desperately, _ok…just act cool!_

The young girl was standing in front of him now, stroking the hair from his eyes and smiling. He gulped. She was so gentle. But then she turned and started to walk away, autumn dress blowing gently in the wind, showing her pearly white thigh. She turned and beckoned him with a finger. He followed with no control over his legs and no thoughts in his mind, only of the beautiful Nymph. 

J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J 

Custard sighed. She had been waiting AGES and still no sign of Hercules. She shifted her position on the stone bench. God this was so UNCOMFORTABLE! Then she saw wonderboy coming her way. She smiled nastily and thought _this is gonna be FUN! _She quickly turned on all her nymph charm and played with the butterflies. Sure enough, he was stunned! Gobsmacked! COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS MIND! That Nymph charm sure worked a treat! 

Soon she had him following her into the forest around the gardens. He followed her willing all the way to the place where the trap had been set. Custard gracefully stepped over it and sure enough Hercules followed, the ground collapsed and he lay unconcious in a large hole!

J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J 

"Did ya get him?" Asked Custard as Moony flittered in.

"Yep, he's lying in the cellar with Hercules." Smiled Moony evilly, brushing her dark hair with her fingers. 

"So, um, how'd ya get him?"

"With these…" Moony replied, holding up a crate of beer, "in one of those looped ropes on a tree!"

Both girls laughed hysterically.

Custard: I suppose you have realised what we are doing-

Moony: (interrupts) we do a chapter each. Custard started and it's my turn nex- OWWW! (Rubs face where the large fish hit her.)

Custard: **I** WAS TELLING THEM! *Hits moony with wet Kipper* IT IS **MY** CHAPTER YA KNOW!

Moony: s-s-s-sorry!

Custard: REVIEW YOU PUNY MORTALS!!


End file.
